Friday, February 08, 2013
PROTECT YOUR MELON:
posted by fuzzkill 1:11 am
Waiting for the preliminary class on HOW TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE, I look
around the room and feel old. I am starting to feel like I've been feeling this
a lot lately. At 27, you're never really just 27, but "pushing 30".
But being 30 is not the end of the world. I hear.
However, it is perhaps the most singularly undeniable age at which you
cannot, or should not, say you are not an adult. No, at 27, you are not even a
Young Adult. And no, you are definetely not a mature youth. Mature youth are
nothing but mythical creatures that have long-since flown its way out of
existence with its unicorned friends and ageing Papa Clauses. You are a
fully-formed, decision-making, cash-in-hand, capital A-dult.
This is my disposition sitting in a room full of future Adults waiting for
a fellow capable Adult to teach us all HOW TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE.
When the class starts, it becomes apparent that a majority of the bright,
young stars of Malaysia's future sitting in this room already know HOW TO RIDE
A MOTORCYCLE.
Enter: pangs of inadequacy. Existing skill sets do not suffice. Play it
cool. You are an Adult. This is what Adults do. We feign wisdom and drown our
subconscious in a soup of nervous incompetence awash in memories of failure
gathered in the years leading to this singularity that is Adult Life, all the
while hoping never to be found out. Exit: awkward laugh. To myself.
As it turns out, the class on HOW TO RIDE A MOTORCYLE is actually a HOW NOT
TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE AND AVOID LARGE MULTI-WHEELED VEHICLES, YOU IDIOT class.
Video after video plays of how riders and pillion riders and motorists and
pedestrians and future roadkill and traffic lights and road dividers and
helmets and helmet straps and jacket pockets and brakes and generally ANYTHING
IN YOUR LINE OF SIGHT is never, ever your friend when on the road on your
motorcycle.
Re: when all else fails, in life or otherwise, but especially on a
crotch-rocket destined to marry, make love and have children with the flat end
of a highway curb, PROTECT YOUR MELON (re: head). This is important because
without it, and science will show, that the probability of you doing more
things like, ever, plummet drastically. Such things could include, but do not
consist entirely of, successfully navigating a post-quarter-life crisis. The navigation
of the aforementioned crisis could include, but does not consist entirely of,
learning HOW TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE.
So I hear.
posted by fuzzkill 1:11 am
