i_am_spes_+_mira_+_fuzzy_+_lili: this revolution in my heart:

Thursday, March 29, 2007

this revolution in my heart:

I get so very tired of thinking. I realize how much i detest being in my own head. Why am I like this? Why can't I be like everybody else, why can't i deal with the simplest of simple things? Why can't i ever seem to get it right? I remember once Taz trying to convince me to do or join something or other and then me (obviously) declining and then her saying it was such a waste seeing somebody like me waste all this potential. Maybe that's all i am; wasted potential. I can't seem to shake it: this excessive and destructable fear of failure. Where does it stem? How do I purge it? Why do I lie? I know it's because i can't bear other people knowing i set out to do something and i couldn't. I can't seem to shake it. I can't turn to them for the same reason and that makes me more alone in my head than ever. I wish it would stop. I wish I could stop doing and thinking and being . It never ends! This indespensable time time keeps going and i want it just to stop! It rained like crapshit last night and i couldn't stop myself from wishing it was the end of the world.

posted by fuzzkill 8:29 pm

Comments:

I think you have more questions in there more than you do regular sentences.. it's all the thinking fuzzy.. thinking brings you to dark places.. that's why we all smoke up and drive while we're drunk.. if the high doesn't stop you think, at least you might just do something stupid enough that would kill you.. either way it works.. distraction is the key my friend.. go back to japanese bois and knitting ma sweh-ta..

oh and the world won't end.. cause you still owe me another tea session.. whoot whoot..

# posted by spes : 4:04 am