my prefrontal cortex may burst out of its hiding-hole: Lament as i may about new found, not so new, always knew it was there: that loneliness that is speaking, i had to talk to it. Conversations are hard to have in pieces. it's like, you hear something once, and then there's something that maybe wasn't said because they thought it didn't need to be said, (oh, c'est-ne pas vrai! it does it did!) and then you have a slight tinkling of hope that perhaps...well, if i tried hard enough perhaps. but i sooo should not have gone there. it's like shooting yourself in the foot, taking the bullet out, carving a hole in your dear sweet heart that boom-boom of yours, and burying said bullet.it's a self-made tragedy worth writing a song for, but pity the sorry soul i make to listen to it(is it that boom-boom again?). And no amount of special callers ringing fucking loud cat noises that melt all senses and suddenly the ears don't work and memory loses could pull me out...or could it? because i wanted him to ask and listen but at first he didn't and then he did and then i didn't say the things, but many things he said worth saying aren't being heard. Fuzzy!!:

"Plenty more fish in the sea!".

"At least you're not dead".

"Life is sad...and then you die."

its funny, maybe its not anything i might've ever been inclined to want so what was there to lose in the exploration of the unexplored and then why did i want it so bad?maybe so i could be the one at the right end of the rejection stick but tell me that isn't it, its not that at all, silly me. but beds were never warmer and i wasn't as yet less the color of a green green tick-tock, and who can blame me for wanting a one time deal at doing the cinderella thing? so talking if's and discarding "logic", (as much as its defintion defeats the reason for my annoyance, this logic, this reasoning, it annoys!) either way, we're all gonna get that fuzzy fracked up gooood, righty-o?
posted by fuzzkill 10:19 pm  0 comments

  i'm taking that job:
posted by spes 9:11 pm  2 comments

  episcopalian disco-queen: ...amsta's gonna leave fuzzy for newfound friends.
posted by fuzzkill 11:15 pm  1 comments

  slapping: amsta loves pussy.
posted by fuzzkill 4:20 pm  2 comments

  well done: it's just been too exhausting.. and I'm done.. I need it to stop.. I'm tried having to be the bigger person all the time.. this front is getting heavy.. and this smile is getting more and more obviously rehearsed.. I want to be sad.. and I want to be angry.. cause I can and I'm most definately allowed to and guess what? I will..
posted by spes 2:17 am  0 comments

  I woke up this morning and:







posted by spes 8:23 pm  1 comments

 

You're always such a spectacle
You said you would
But you never will change
You only do it if I do the same
Love is such a dangerous game
A dangerous game

At first I could see
That you were weak in the knees
Your smile was so rehearsed
When you gave me your t-shirt
On the honeymoon
Where we never left the room
Sometimes I want to go back there
But then I'll remember
I've got to remember

You're always such a spectacle
Guess it was the best you could do
Your favourite dress for the world to see through
You spilled your drink but you didn't mean to
You're always such a spectacle
You said would but you never will change
You only do it if I do the same
Love is such a dangerous game
A dangerous game

When you told me this
That wickedness is a myth
That was invented for losers
Cause baby the truth hurts
Baby the truth hurts

Well I thought you were shallow
But then I fell in deep
Why couldn't you keep it
Our little secret
You're my only weakness

You're always such a spectacle
Guess it was the best you could do
Your favourite dress for the world to see through
You spilled your drink but you didn't mean to
Love is such a spectacle
Just when you think it's going well for you
Life's a movie that we sleep through
Every little thing that we do

You're always such a spectacle
Nothing ever really does change
Cause if you feel it baby
know I feel the same
Love is such a dangerous game
Love is such a dangerous game
A dangerous game

sean lennon - spectacle
posted by spes 1:47 am

  I love optical zoom: ahh! this has gotta be one of the best weekends I've had all year.. I miss it.. I miss it like crazy! things couldn't have gone any more smoothly as it did with minimal and last minute planning.. but it was all good..
everything is just more lively in singapore.. I actually miss singapore with it's anal caution ads and speedy escalators.. its expensive less tar, less nicotine cigarettes.. weird made up curse words for station names.. and oh I just soo love jay walking on the streets of singprore.. living on the edge indeed..
I bought the ugliest shoes I've ever seen! fucking 19 dollars but it was all worth it.. cause the ministry of sound is just superbly amazing! and oh my.. zouk out! dancing for fucking 8 hours straight!! fun fun!! it's just fucking awesome!! you just had to fucking had to be there.. the boom boom boom and killer light is just out of control!
and charlie's just fucking amazing! zouk out just would be the best zouk out I've ever been to even tho this was our first but you know what mean.. hehe.. this was just a much deserved fun trip and party party party even tho he was more deserving than me but fuck that haha.. and for those of you out there who would or could have came but didn't.. all I could say is you guys definately without a doubt would have had the BESTEST BEST time of your life! oh but fret not, I'll see you kids ZOUK OUT 2007!! WHOOOHHOOOOoooooOOO!
posted by spes 5:26 pm  3 comments

  down up up up.. down: I miss my imaginary boifriend.. but it's probably one of the very few things that keeps me going.. but I do, oh I do miss the little, little things.. and I obviously can't say that enough.. it will, oh it will get annoying dear.. But I've replaced you.. pardon me, temporarily distracted myself with my new found companion, bacon.. she sleeps with me every night and bites like she knows who's boss.. but hey, we're all longing for that comfort.. yes.. I've turned bisexual..

I completed my tasks for this week.. but I'm definitely not proud of it.. this last minute work has gotta stop.. but it's an auto reaction.. extra time, noted.. brain shutdown, affirmative.. but rewards does comes in many different flavors.. I see green and orange.. such uggles combination but you get lost in the music and that's the whole idea.. losing it on a different island for a mere few hours and that's enough.. I'm going to singapore baby!

one of my bestest best friend's coming back and she I haven't seen in years.. and I wanna do that, like see her soo badly! but that's probably not gonna happen till much later next week.. sigh. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

OMG!! this post is sooo fucking silly! I'm not even fucking depressed!! I'm actually happy!! which is sooo fucking weird!! and I'm looking forward to zouk out like crazy!! and having the best time of my life with charlie!! I'm sooo happy my boi buzzes me from across the globe and I miss him like nuts!! and I can't wait to see munloo very very soon! I miss lili soooo much and I love fuzzy cause I know she's happy doing that thang I cannot mention! I'm soooooo fucking jealous of that picture mira-I-think-I'm-all-hot-with-my-burfriend-not-in-malaysia!! I can see beer in the background!! I hate nisha for dragging me out to fucking alamanda!!! when I'm soo behind in my work but I still manage to do it and so I won't hate her as much!! hehehe.. I'm fucking happy I actually finished my work!!! well work needed for this week at least.. thanx to someone who's been hogging my bed all night!cheese! and now I'm just waiting for the fucking rain to stop so I can grab my passport and go partay!! and thanx to whoever gave me that $$$RM370 in my account.. your good deed is muchly appriciated! kisses galore!! muah muah! xoxoxo! and all that jazz!
posted by spes 2:31 pm  0 comments

  anti-stort, one who hates people who loves strawberries: i'm feeling dry.. well not dry but tired.. well dry and tired.. and since it's not your typical combination of feelings, I'm gonna come up with a word for that fuzzy.. we'll call it, necorum (nek-orwe-rum), one who is both tired and dry.. that's right.. I'm feeling necorum.. physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, consciously, and in every which way possible.. i'm dozing on and off as I type this and I just had a 30 second dream about me on this silver sports bike on the road which transformed into this silver bug.. I don't know how that's relevent.. but it's rare that I remember my dreams nowadays.. I wanna take it as a sign.. like how I got this deja vu just now.. and usually I would take it as a positive note and thinking I'm on the right path.. but it's obviously not the path I wish to take.. even the books says so.. the question now is could I have avoided it.. should I have avoided it.. not at all.. things are just the way things are.. no regrets of course.. so I'll take my own advice this time around.. better whip your hands clean now than later right? at least I got my hands dirty.. and it smells oh so good.. and it feels oh so so much better.. a with only a mere 20 minutes and I'm falling for it again.. and in another mere 20 minutes and I've fallen completely.. *splat* patience.. light a cigarette or two.. or three or four.. or twelve or sixteen.. I know I could easily avoid feeling necorum by polishing my blind spot.. however I choose not to.. cause I will treat everyone as an equal.. and I will be greatly disappointed as equally.. that, i respect..
posted by spes 3:01 pm  2 comments