Thursday, March 31, 2011
exit please:
posted by spessie 3:23 pm 0 comments
posted by spessie 3:23 pm 0 comments
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Her story is just beginning:
You make my head feel like a busy, New York City street the second your name lights up on my cell phone.
It doesn't happen often, and it hadn't happened for a year and a half until recently, but when it does i don't know how to feel.
You were my first love, and first loves are hard to forget. I truly believe that the first person you fall in love with will always have a piece of your heart. It's never whole again- no matter how much you move on, how many more people you fall in love with, or how much you give to the next person- there's something special about the first time you give your heart away. Or maybe it's because your first love usually ends up in your first real heartbreak and you never quite get all of the pieces back.
I don't know what kept me with you for all of those years. I was young, naive, and immature i guess. But i loved you. Oh man, did I love you. I think i would have fought to be with you until i couldn't go on. I would have been content being with you and only you forever and ever. But you didn't feel the same. And to fight any longer would be foolish. You gave up on me not once, but twice, and it broke me down more and more. You treated me terribly in those last few months, as if I were a stranger you never even cared about. You left me a ghost. You left me broken. You left me.
It took so long for me to get back on my own two feet and finally feel anything again. And as everyone would tell me, time did heal. But no one ever really listens to that phrase...time heals. But healing doesn't make it go away, it just makes it bearable. It's like a scar. There's the initial wound and it hurts like hell, almost to the point where you think you'd rather just be dead at this point, and then slowly but surely your cut closes up and then there is the scab. You pick at it a few times and it hurts all over again. And eventually you have a scar, and it fades and fades, but it's never gone. There's always something to remind you.
And then i met him, and he swept me off my feet. He showed me what it was like to truly be loved and he gave me everything you never even thought to give. Everything that hurt finally went away with a flash of his smile and with the touch of his hand I felt like I had found my real forever. A month into the relationship I could see myself with him fifty years down the road. I had never loved someone this way before, not even you. Months in though, little fights started poisoning our relationship but we worked at them. I still love him with my whole heart and i still fall asleep next to him but every now and then you slip into my dreams, out of nowhere, just like in real life and in my dreams I miss you.
I never thought, in a million years, you'd come back to me again. I'm over you, I am, I worked way too hard at it not to be. But when I get a text alert at 2:30 in the morning, and i see your name on the caller ID, my head and heart start a war. I don't think it's love, i think it's missing who you were. I have this idea of you at sixteen in my head but six years later that isn't who you are.
But for some reason tonight, it hit me hard. You know me way too well not to know how to win my heart, even for five seconds. I hate you for making me feel like this. I hate you for what you did to me way back when. I hate you for making me second guess the perfection I have now. I hate you for never really disappearing from my life. I hate you for having the nerve to ever even think I'd take you back. I hate you for your late night texts. I hate you for who you've become. I hate you for it all.
You texted me tonight and said: "I just have a weird feeling that our story isn't over. But clearly I'm the only one thinking that."
And I'd never admit it, to you or myself out loud, but...I've never stopped thinking that exact same thing.
posted by fuzzkill 9:26 am 0 comments
You make my head feel like a busy, New York City street the second your name lights up on my cell phone.
It doesn't happen often, and it hadn't happened for a year and a half until recently, but when it does i don't know how to feel.
You were my first love, and first loves are hard to forget. I truly believe that the first person you fall in love with will always have a piece of your heart. It's never whole again- no matter how much you move on, how many more people you fall in love with, or how much you give to the next person- there's something special about the first time you give your heart away. Or maybe it's because your first love usually ends up in your first real heartbreak and you never quite get all of the pieces back.
I don't know what kept me with you for all of those years. I was young, naive, and immature i guess. But i loved you. Oh man, did I love you. I think i would have fought to be with you until i couldn't go on. I would have been content being with you and only you forever and ever. But you didn't feel the same. And to fight any longer would be foolish. You gave up on me not once, but twice, and it broke me down more and more. You treated me terribly in those last few months, as if I were a stranger you never even cared about. You left me a ghost. You left me broken. You left me.
It took so long for me to get back on my own two feet and finally feel anything again. And as everyone would tell me, time did heal. But no one ever really listens to that phrase...time heals. But healing doesn't make it go away, it just makes it bearable. It's like a scar. There's the initial wound and it hurts like hell, almost to the point where you think you'd rather just be dead at this point, and then slowly but surely your cut closes up and then there is the scab. You pick at it a few times and it hurts all over again. And eventually you have a scar, and it fades and fades, but it's never gone. There's always something to remind you.
And then i met him, and he swept me off my feet. He showed me what it was like to truly be loved and he gave me everything you never even thought to give. Everything that hurt finally went away with a flash of his smile and with the touch of his hand I felt like I had found my real forever. A month into the relationship I could see myself with him fifty years down the road. I had never loved someone this way before, not even you. Months in though, little fights started poisoning our relationship but we worked at them. I still love him with my whole heart and i still fall asleep next to him but every now and then you slip into my dreams, out of nowhere, just like in real life and in my dreams I miss you.
I never thought, in a million years, you'd come back to me again. I'm over you, I am, I worked way too hard at it not to be. But when I get a text alert at 2:30 in the morning, and i see your name on the caller ID, my head and heart start a war. I don't think it's love, i think it's missing who you were. I have this idea of you at sixteen in my head but six years later that isn't who you are.
But for some reason tonight, it hit me hard. You know me way too well not to know how to win my heart, even for five seconds. I hate you for making me feel like this. I hate you for what you did to me way back when. I hate you for making me second guess the perfection I have now. I hate you for never really disappearing from my life. I hate you for having the nerve to ever even think I'd take you back. I hate you for your late night texts. I hate you for who you've become. I hate you for it all.
You texted me tonight and said: "I just have a weird feeling that our story isn't over. But clearly I'm the only one thinking that."
And I'd never admit it, to you or myself out loud, but...I've never stopped thinking that exact same thing.
*Reposted from lelove (http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/2011/03/our-story-isnt-over.html)
posted by fuzzkill 9:26 am 0 comments
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
till we reunite, atoms:
posted by spessie 12:14 am 0 comments
random nature clips from BBC Planet Earth with music by cassius, i love you so for a really good friend's 23rd brithday/going away present..
posted by spessie 12:14 am 0 comments
Friday, March 11, 2011
What is your Batman name?:
*Pics: imgur, married to the sea, some tattoo blog
posted by fuzzkill 8:39 am 0 comments
*Pics: imgur, married to the sea, some tattoo blog
posted by fuzzkill 8:39 am 0 comments
Monday, March 07, 2011
PLURALISM is a bad word:
SO begins the first in a series of congressional hearing on Islamic radicalisation in the United States this week. How's it going so far? As usual, not well. Read here.
Whether justified or not, it seems Muslims and talking about Islam with those who are, for one, not Muslims, is always a contentious issue, regardless of the channel or context. There's just something about talking about it that fills Muslims in the public eye with a sense of an allusion to (mind the pun), submission. There's an almost an arrogance when it comes to the aversion of conversing about the religion out loud, because doing so would be seen as flawed, a concession that Islam could actually be subject to debate.
Who said it wasn't?
"Verily, the vilest of all creatures in the sight of God are those deaf, those dumb ones who do not use their reason." [8:22]
"And most certainly have We destined for hell many of the invisible beings and human being who have hearts with which they fail to grasp the truth, and eyes with which they fail to see, and ears with which they fail to hear. They are like cattle -nay, they are even less conscious of the right way it is they, they who are the [truly] heedless!" [7:179]
"Verily, in the creation of the heavens and of the earth, and the succession of night and day: and in the ships that speed through the sea with what is useful to man: and in the waters which God sends down from the sky, giving life thereby to the earth after it had been lifeless, and causing all manner of living creatures to multiply thereon: and in the change of the winds, and the clouds that run their appointed courses between sky and earth: [in all this] there are messages/signs indeed for people who use their reason." [2:164]
"Do they not travel through the land, so that their hearts (and minds) may thus use reason and their ears may thus learn to hear? Truly it is not their eyes that are blind, but their hearts which are in their breasts." [22:46]
These are but a few examples in the Qur'an that exemplifies the need and encouragement from Allah for all to use the capacity for reasoning he has bestowed upon us.
Yet, many fail to.
Yesterday, in New York City, 300 protestors gathered in Times Square to speak out against the hearing, criticising it as xenophobic and saying that singling out Muslims, rather than extremists, is unfair. Fair enough. So, should the hearings focus instead on extremists? Sure, because they'll be listening right?
No, the history of inter-faith dialogues with Muslim parties has been a littered mess, not just in the US, but here as well. So how goes our stab at it? Repressed to the point of being stamped out to death by then Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, who stated inter-faith forums be stopped as “they are deemed to cause tension in our multi-religious society” (Habib and Shari, 2006), it has since come a short way since.
While the (cautiously) optimistic saw the glimmer of hope in current PM Najib Tun Razak's proposed rebirth of the "trend" last year with the formation of the (initially) "Special Committee to Promote Inter-Religious Harmony and Understanding", (where even the mere name was a point of argument, with the council of mufti's claiming the word 'Inter-Religious' would cause 'confusion' among Malaysian Muslims. How interestingly, and quite predictably, low the perceived level of common sense and reason they prescribe to us Malaysian Muslims. It has since been changed to Committee for the Understanding and Harmony among Religious Adherents.) the glow, dim though it was when it started, sure hasn't made any real headway. For a more thorough look at the sad, sad road of pluralism in Malaysia, take a gander here.
Of course, it would be naive to believe that personal religious belief is not a contentious issue. It is a matter close to the heart, and with all such things, tied inextricably with our feelings of personal worth, of acceptance, of community, of love. To rouse our feelings about any of these things is to stoke a fireball of emotions. And emotions, when they feel so right, can kill any amount of reason.
Talking about one's faith, in the context of other faiths, is, dear readers, not blasphemy, in my humble (and non-State appointed) reason. It does not toe the line of apostasy, or run counter to Islamic teaching. Talking, sharing, guiding, listening, conversing, discussing, debating, deliberating, consulting, examining, reviewing, analysing and exchanging views - these are things encouraged in Islam. These should be things encouraged by everybody, to everybody. Inter-faith dialogue is not a competition to test which religious adherents are the most convincing, or which religion is right or wrong, better or worse.
So, many will ask, what is the point then? What would it solve?
Nothing.
There's is nothing to be solved in the question of religious pluralism. Except for one thing: how to achieve what little sense of peace is possible while we still have the ability to.
posted by fuzzkill 10:59 am 1 comments
Whether justified or not, it seems Muslims and talking about Islam with those who are, for one, not Muslims, is always a contentious issue, regardless of the channel or context. There's just something about talking about it that fills Muslims in the public eye with a sense of an allusion to (mind the pun), submission. There's an almost an arrogance when it comes to the aversion of conversing about the religion out loud, because doing so would be seen as flawed, a concession that Islam could actually be subject to debate.
Who said it wasn't?
"Verily, the vilest of all creatures in the sight of God are those deaf, those dumb ones who do not use their reason." [8:22]
"And most certainly have We destined for hell many of the invisible beings and human being who have hearts with which they fail to grasp the truth, and eyes with which they fail to see, and ears with which they fail to hear. They are like cattle -nay, they are even less conscious of the right way it is they, they who are the [truly] heedless!" [7:179]
"Verily, in the creation of the heavens and of the earth, and the succession of night and day: and in the ships that speed through the sea with what is useful to man: and in the waters which God sends down from the sky, giving life thereby to the earth after it had been lifeless, and causing all manner of living creatures to multiply thereon: and in the change of the winds, and the clouds that run their appointed courses between sky and earth: [in all this] there are messages/signs indeed for people who use their reason." [2:164]
"Do they not travel through the land, so that their hearts (and minds) may thus use reason and their ears may thus learn to hear? Truly it is not their eyes that are blind, but their hearts which are in their breasts." [22:46]
These are but a few examples in the Qur'an that exemplifies the need and encouragement from Allah for all to use the capacity for reasoning he has bestowed upon us.
Yet, many fail to.
Yesterday, in New York City, 300 protestors gathered in Times Square to speak out against the hearing, criticising it as xenophobic and saying that singling out Muslims, rather than extremists, is unfair. Fair enough. So, should the hearings focus instead on extremists? Sure, because they'll be listening right?
No, the history of inter-faith dialogues with Muslim parties has been a littered mess, not just in the US, but here as well. So how goes our stab at it? Repressed to the point of being stamped out to death by then Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, who stated inter-faith forums be stopped as “they are deemed to cause tension in our multi-religious society” (Habib and Shari, 2006), it has since come a short way since.
While the (cautiously) optimistic saw the glimmer of hope in current PM Najib Tun Razak's proposed rebirth of the "trend" last year with the formation of the (initially) "Special Committee to Promote Inter-Religious Harmony and Understanding", (where even the mere name was a point of argument, with the council of mufti's claiming the word 'Inter-Religious' would cause 'confusion' among Malaysian Muslims. How interestingly, and quite predictably, low the perceived level of common sense and reason they prescribe to us Malaysian Muslims. It has since been changed to Committee for the Understanding and Harmony among Religious Adherents.) the glow, dim though it was when it started, sure hasn't made any real headway. For a more thorough look at the sad, sad road of pluralism in Malaysia, take a gander here.
Of course, it would be naive to believe that personal religious belief is not a contentious issue. It is a matter close to the heart, and with all such things, tied inextricably with our feelings of personal worth, of acceptance, of community, of love. To rouse our feelings about any of these things is to stoke a fireball of emotions. And emotions, when they feel so right, can kill any amount of reason.
Talking about one's faith, in the context of other faiths, is, dear readers, not blasphemy, in my humble (and non-State appointed) reason. It does not toe the line of apostasy, or run counter to Islamic teaching. Talking, sharing, guiding, listening, conversing, discussing, debating, deliberating, consulting, examining, reviewing, analysing and exchanging views - these are things encouraged in Islam. These should be things encouraged by everybody, to everybody. Inter-faith dialogue is not a competition to test which religious adherents are the most convincing, or which religion is right or wrong, better or worse.
So, many will ask, what is the point then? What would it solve?
Nothing.
There's is nothing to be solved in the question of religious pluralism. Except for one thing: how to achieve what little sense of peace is possible while we still have the ability to.
posted by fuzzkill 10:59 am 1 comments
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
